Argylle: A lesser Long Kiss Goodnight

 Argylle
A lesser Long Kiss Goodnight

                *In red - possible spoilers*

    I’m not quite sure who green lit this film in Hollywood … like, who the actual single person it is that took their signature and placed it on a piece of paper saying that it was ok to spend millions of dollars to make this movie … but who ever it is, I would really LOVE to find them and give them a Gibb’s slap to the back of the head! Now, I am not saying that this film is a total loss. There are some good qualities to it. Like for instance, there is the charismatic acting treasure that is Sam Rockwell, a bunch of one-line “zingers” that only Sam Rockwell can deliver, beautiful settings with amazing color schemes, and the comic relief from Henry Cavill who just always has a knack for making people laugh . . . even when he puts on his serious “grumpy cat” face.

    For me though, definitely a one-hit wonder action film. It’s a hit for a one-time view and a wonder that I saw it in the first place. This film has some of the most inane writing mixed with some of the goofiest concepts I’ve seen in any recent espionage spy thriller.

    The storyline is nothing new. Films exploring the discovery of a secret life from within yourself, revealing a part of who you really are that is so much different from who you thought you were, they have been developed for decades. Ever since the era of Ian Flemming one of the most popular

archetypes of this story plot is the lay-person with a secret agent hidden deep with-in them. There have been characters that are writers and discover the truth, characters who are actors, and those who are just regular Joes and Janes about to wake up into a world of gadgets, kills, spies, and lies. I guess it’s always been a fun story to tell as it gives others the “what if” high of discovering something unique or special about themselves. I know, I know … everyone is special … but I’m talking spy special! The bottom line, though, is that if you are going to reuse a story like this then you better be sure that something stands out about it.

    Some of the concepts in this film make little to no sense. Like sticking knives on the bottom of some combat boots to “ice skate” around a floor pooled in oil … Jason Statham did it better in The Transporter … or the climatic major fight scene. While it could have resembled a badass sequence from The Kingsman, with Colin Firth, the writers or directors or producers … someone decided it needed an absurd amount of bright smoke thrown in along with a random dance routine. I’m pretty sure thewriters accidently put a part in this movie from some Harley Quinn film. All of that just made the sequence seem so ridiculous for a fight scene when it’s supposed to be 2 against many.

    If you’d like a good comparison for this film, with a film that is … in my opinion, much more worth a watch, you have to look no further than 1996’s film A Long Kiss Goodnight. It’s about an everyday teacher, wife, and mom who discovers she has covert secrets buried deep within her psyche. Once unlocked she begins to change and along the way starts to wonder … who is the real Samantha Caine (main character). It stars Geena Davis as Samantha Caine and, ironically enough, it co-starts Samuel L. Jackson who is ALSO present in Argylle! Freaky connection, right. And while I’m sure you have all seen the cat for this film in the previews, I’ll just say, after seeing this movie and the film Captain Marvel . . . well, bad things seem to happen to bad guys when SLJ is around cats nowadays! You’ll understand if you see it.

    But that is about it. In my opinion, I don’t think this movie quite makes the bar when it comes to you guys spending $15 of your hard earned money. Like I said, it isn’t all bad, but unless you’re just a Sam Rockwell fan, a Henry Cavill fan, or simply a fan of spy thrillers, then I would seriously suggest waiting for it to drop in Redbox or on streaming. I know that if I had paid $15 to see this movie that I would be irritated, to say the least.