Kingsman: The Secret Service

POLTERGEIST

Story – 2

Writing – 2

Acting – 3

Characters – 2

Intent – 1

Overall – 2/5 (wait for Netflix, maybe Redbox)

What made the original film, made by Steven Spielberg in 1982, such a masterpiece is that it became a true experience. Bigger than any movie and better than the average ghost story. The care that was taken to illustrate each shot turned every frame into a picture from a dream. Each exchange of dialogue was written to show the essence of an average loving family in 1980’s America and you could feel that connection due to the experience of your own family. There was a degree to which every character grabbed your attention and imagination, captivating you through the entire film. The film truly was just so unique and inspiring that to this day it is a film which leaves fans in awe of its bold use of the imagination into the unknown.

Fast forward to today when cinema rarely has a bold moment in originality and the imagination is left to the amount of pixels and technology one can use and it becomes apparent, this remake should never have happened. Budget wasn’t a problem, with the original having a 10.7 million dollar budget (roughly 28.5 million in today’s market), this new remake had 35 million for a budget and it made no difference. The story was mistreated and told poorly, the writing had the same shortcomings for the most part, the acting wasn’t bad but nowhere near the caliber of the original, the character’s more like hollowed shells of their 80’s counterparts, and the intent of this horror movie remake is laughable . . . literally, but I’ll get to that.

Freeling Family
Poltergeist 1982

Bowen Family
Poltergeist 2015

Story (2) – In 1982 we caught a glimpse of the everyday, average, American family as seen in the 80’s. A normal, natural, everyday family which happens to experience an abnormal, supernatural, once in a lifetime nightmare! A daughter is taken, a home destroyed, and a darkness forever stained upon this simple family. Same thing happens in this remake, and yet, the story is so completely inferior to the original that it is disgraceful to herald the same name as Spielberg’s masterpiece. With 2 stories identical and yet, with one so inferior to the other, this film is a clear demonstration that it isn’t only WHAT is told that can make or break the story of a movie, but it’s also HOW a story is told! Unfortunate for this iconic remake, the “how” of the story becomes the problem. In the original film the writers and director took a considerable amount of time to explain what was happening, or what they thought was happening, in extreme and careful detail. That wasn’t the case for this remake. In simple terms, this film took WAY too many shortcuts in telling the story. Events and key scenes from the original either weren’t shown or were instead substituted with a line or two of dialogue, or they were condensed to a small and pitiful degree.  

Writing (2) – The writing had the same problem that the story had, just too many shortcuts. In the original Poltergeist (1982) there were about two or three famous scenes that were full of explanation and dialogue. It brought you further into the experience, gave you a deeper connection to what was going on and who it was happening to. All of that explanation and dialogue written for the original are condensed into a few mere lines, which aren’t even delivered with any real presence or power. There were some really funny lines in the film, none of which include the original movie so, I guess it could be funny for anyone watching. The problem however, is when the best writing in a horror movie is the humor it’s not much of a horror film!



They're here . . .

Acting (3) – This is the highest rated category for the film. Acting is the hardest to judge because its so subjective, but I’ll try to explain my justification anyway. Sam Rockwell delivered in key performances throughout the film, playing Craig T. Nelson’s role as the father. Kennedi Clements took over for Heather O’Rourke in her iconic role as the BEYOND adorable, yet unsettling, clairvoyant little girl. Kennedi Clements definitely reminds me of the infamous Carol Anne, although taking up the name Madison Bowen. Her character is simplistic in nature, as was Carol Anne in the first film, being but an innocent and scared little girl. For a young girl she delivers a stellar performance. And Jared Harris, as always, was a delight to watch as he performed. Unfortunately some of the other main cast were a bit transparent, and I’m putting that mildly. Saxon Sharbino, who played the older daughter, never really seemed afraid of what was happening. I mean, she tried to “act” afraid, but you can always tell when someone is going through the motions of “acting” and actually bringing emotion to a character.



Tagina (left), Carrigan Burke (right)

Characters (2) – These characters became their second major flaw in the film. All of the characters were just so different from the original. When you try and change too much of a working formula you risk it blowing up in your face, and that’s exactly what happened here. Jared Harris comes in and replaces Tagina, the mystic midget who in true Yoda fashion comes in and saves the day with her power and knowledge of the other side. Tagina is one of the most iconic heroes in horror film history and with lines like “Don’t go into the light” and “This house is clean”, Tagina cemented herself in cinematic history. Jared Harris is an amazing actor, which is why I don’t think he is to blame so much as the writing is, but either way the character sucked. He was a goofball paranormal investigator. He did things no serious investigator would do, like have a cheap and cheesy “reality” ghost hunting show. The character also lacked confidence in his abnormality and weirdness. In one instant they completely butchered the famous lines with which Tagina is so famous for.



Maddison (2015, left), Carol Anne (1982 right)

                Madison, the remake’s counterpart to Carol Anne, isn’t nearly as effective. Carol Anne was cute and creepy, or at the very least unsettling. In this remake she is just an adorable little girl with innocence guiding her into a binding and deadly darkness. The film was almost more about the young son in the film, Griffin Bowen, played by Kyle Catlett. In the original version the story revolved around the character Carol Anne and her parent’s desperate struggle to get her back with the help of paranormal investigators. In this remake it’s more of a redemption story centered on Griffin who tries to save his little sister with more guidance than help from the paranormal investigators. I don’t mind that the son’s character was a bigger element in this film than in the original, in fact I think they were on to something amazing, but everyone else fell by the wayside.

                And the family itself builds into a character. In the original is was an average American family full of unbreakable love and full of faith in each other. They made each other strong and watched out for one another, realizing that family comes at a cost but that love is worth the cost. However, in this remake the family as a whole takes on a new character. It really paints a dim picture for the modern America family of today actually. We rely too much on the pleasures of technology instead of the companionship of each other, more self-serving and even at the expense of family, with upper-middle class apparently not good enough for the modern American family (or Hollywood is way out of touch with average America . . . big surprise), and the strength and unity of family is weak compared to what it was in the 80s. We don’t really need a poltergeist to shutter at this film, what Hollywood painted as the image of an average modern day family in America is horrible enough.
 

Intent (1) – I was not scared once! This film is intended to frighten, just as it did over 30 years ago. Yeah, there are some scenes to make you jump, but it doesn’t mean they’ll work. They’re horribly foreseeable. If anything the film was more funny and filled with cool concepts than scary. There were a lot of funny lines, a few cool concepts, but nothing creepy, scary, or even really magical. Once concept that actually was pretty cool was getting a chance to see, according to Sam Raimi and the director Gil Kenan, what the other side looks like. Even in the original you don’t get to see the other side, the side that Carol Anne (and Madison) get stuck in. In this remake you do get to see it and can understand why it might be so hard to find your way back. Plus there is a shot that any art enthusiast or Dante freak will recognize being the eye of hell! Now, before when I said the intent was laughable in a literal sense, this is what I meant. Cool, and funny . . . but not creepy.